#241 Breaking The Quiet: Rewriting The Rules Of Manhood

A mustache can start a conversation, but the real goal is changing the rules men grew up with. This episode digs into Movember as a catalyst for men’s mental health, exploring why so many guys carry stress, anxiety, and depression in silence and what it takes to make sharing feel safe. We talk candidly about the phrases that shape boys—man up, boys don’t cry—and how those scripts follow men into adulthood, where vulnerability can feel like breaking the code.

I share a simple ritual that helped my son and me build trust: a monthly hour where he spoke and I listened without judgment or quick fixes. It began awkwardly and grew into easy “man dinners” where anything or nothing could be the topic. From there, we map out practical tools you can use right away: lead with your own truth to lower the bar, ask open-ended questions that invite stories, and give silence room to work. When words come, resist the urge to solve. A sincere that sounds tough, I get it can be more powerful than a dozen solutions.

We also spotlight ways to engage with Movember beyond facial hair. Move for Movember turns empathy into action with 60 miles to honor the 60 men lost to suicide every hour around the world. Hosting a moment—a simple gathering—creates community, connects men to resources, and chips away at stigma one conversation at a time. The throughline is clear: culture change happens in living rooms, on sidewalks, over wings, and with small, honest check-ins that make help feel normal. If this resonates, share it with someone who needs a nudge, subscribe for more conversations that matter, and leave a review to help others find the show. Who will you check in with today?

Movember https://us.movember.com/

Donate here https://movember.com/m/thescotttownsendshow?mc=1

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Movember Focus
• 3:09 Why Men Stay Silent
• 4:34 A Father’s Listening Practice
• 6:15 How To Help Men Open Up
• 7:42 Ways To Support Movember
• 8:51 Culture Change And Call To Care
• 9:24 Closing And Where To Listen

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 1:02

Welcome to the Scott Townsend Show, brought to you by Pizoman Productions.

SPEAKER_00: 1:24

And this is not all over me. So I'm gonna talk a little bit about November, like I do each November. It's one of the biggest parts of November isn't just about you know, one of the biggest parts of no Movember isn't just about growing a mustache, but I am. It's about starting conversations that really matter. Movember's more than a fun trend. It's a reminder to check in on the men in our lives and on ourselves. Men's mental health is something we don't talk enough about. Too many guys are walking around carrying heavy stuff: stress, anxiety, depression. But they keep it bottled up because they think they've got to man up or deal with it alone. And the numbers back that up. In 2024, about 12% of adults reported feeling anxious regularly, and roughly 5% felt depressed regularly. Nearly one in five adults have been diagnosed with an anxiety or depression disorder at some point. But here's the hard truth. Men are far less likely than women to seek help or take medication. That means a lot of guys are quietly struggling in silence. Part of the reason men have such a hard time opening up comes from what we've heard all of our lives. Man up, boys don't cry, shake it off. Those phrases get repeated over and over from dads, coaches, teachers, until they stick. Somewhere along the way, being vulnerable started feeling like breaking the rules. There's also stigma. Men worry about being judged, seen as weak, or not taken seriously if they admit they're struggling. And for many, it's not about unwillingness, it's lack of practice. They were never taught how to put emotions into words. I would take my son and have a meeting like once a month when he was in his teenage years. And he could talk about whatever he wanted to talk about. And I told him I would be quiet and not respond, not be judgmental. But that hour was his time to be able to talk about that hour was his time to talk about whatever he felt important and uh without fear of retribution judgment. And uh it gave him a chance to just talk about things that teenagers uh feel are important in their lives. It may sound silly to adults who think we have bigger issues, but to them it's everything. So I was really glad that we we had those meetings just to get him to be able to feel like he could talk and talk things out. At first it was difficult. I think I've mentioned this before, but over time it got easier, and uh then we would graduate to man dinners where we would go out and go to Buffalo Wild Wings and or wherever and just have dinner and talk about nothing or anything. So, how do you get a man to open up? First, create a safe space, somewhere he knows he won't be judged or fixed. Just listened to, lead by example, share something real from your own life. When you're open, it gives him permission to do the same. Ask open-ended questions like what's been on your mind, or how have things been feeling lately? Avoid the quick yes or no stuff, and then be patient. Some guys need to think, some guys need time to think it through before they can put it into words. So when he does open up, focus on listening, not fixing. A simple that sounds tough, I get it, can mean more than a list of solutions. Even small steps matter. A guy might not pour his heart out right away, but if he shares one small thing, that's progress. Remind him that getting help, whether that's talking to a counselor, joining a group, or even just opening up to a buddy, isn't weakness, but it's strength. That's what Movember is all about, making it normal for men to talk about what's really going on. It funds programs that connect men to mental health resources, counseling, and community groups that actually make a difference. And there are so many ways to get involved. Grow a mustache. It's more than just facial hair, it's a conversation starter. Join Move for Movember. Walk or run 60 miles in the month to honor the 60 men lost to suicide every hour around the world. Or host a moment. Moment, a get-together that raises awareness or funds for men's health. Or host a moment, a get-together that raises awareness or funds for men's health. Movember isn't just about fundraising, it's about culture change. It's about showing men that it's about showing that men can talk, can feel, and can heal. Each conversation chips away at the old stigma that says men have to be silent or stoic. And it's amazing how powerful one conversation can be. Sometimes just asking, How are you really can put someone back, can pull someone back from the edge. So if you're listening right now, take a minute to check in with the men in your life, a coworker, a friend, your dad, your brother, ask how they're doing. And really listen, you never know how much it might mean. November reminds us that connection and conversation save lives. This is Scott Townsend. Thanks for listening to the Scott Townsend Show. Have a great day. Everything's going to be all right. And we'll talk to you later.

SPEAKER_01: 8:20

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