#221 Building Bridges with Small Gestures w/ Ben Townsend

This episode emphasizes the transformational power of intentional outreach and empathy in supporting those facing difficult times. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, we explore ways to foster meaningful connections while dismantling the stigma against asking for help.

• The impact of consistent check-ins on emotional well-being
• Empathy as a driving force in providing support
• Social isolation during illness and the need for connection
• The significance of effective communication and support tools like CaringBridge
• Navigating the challenges of giving advice versus being present
• The stigma associated with asking for help and vulnerability
• Practical methods for showing support in everyday life
• The importance of active listening in difficult conversations
• Introducing the concept of the 8-minute call for reaching out

Simon Sinek's video about the 8-minute call to help a friend https://youtu.be/1IC531FU7wY?si=zuakSF1mXdhPngCy

A Friend Calls a Friend in Need Every Day At A Certain Time For Months https://www.youtube.com/shorts/q7VdoKPoS2c

Share your thoughts and reach out! How do you show support to those around you?  Email scott@scotttownsend.info

Chapters

• 0:00 Supporting Friends Through Hard Times
• 11:10 Nurturing Empathy in Supporting Friends
• 15:12 Active Listening and Avoiding Prescriptive Advice
• 21:36 The Importance of Asking for Help
• 29:16 Offering Support During Tough Times

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Scott Townsend Show brought to you by Dietzelman Productions. Hey, this is Scott Townsend. Welcome back to the Scott Townsend Show. And today I have with me repeat guest executive producer of the Scott Townsend Show, ben Townsend, ben, how's it going?

Speaker 2: 0:19

Good, how are you doing Scott?

Speaker 1: 0:20

I'm doing great. I'm doing great. Thanks for joining today.

Speaker 2: 0:23

No short notice, but first off, what did you have for breakfast this morning? What I normally have for breakfast One egg, One egg scrambled and some. It's instant oatmeal, but it's more of an organic type with extra protein in it and with some extra oat bran thrown in there, some walnuts and some blueberries.

Speaker 1: 0:53

And some psyllium husk, no maple syrup and a little pancake or anything. Nope, I had one egg this morning too. I usually have four, but I only had one left, so I had to suffer with one egg.

Speaker 2: 1:15

And so I put a bunch of other stuff in there and it's not super sweet to start with, but I add a little bit of monk fruit sweetener to it Monk fruit.

Speaker 2: 1:20

Monk fruit yeah, it's a natural sweetener but it's zero calorie and I don't think it works real. It's a natural sweetener but it's zero calorie. Um, and I don't think it works real. Well, it's like a primary sweetener, but I think it works great as a sweetener. Just to take it up a little bit for something that already has, you know, sugar in it right so I like that.

Speaker 2: 1:39

Yeah, I'm still. We're still in our little apartment here. Um, our home is, uh, they're out there weathering the the build-in right now. They've got all the decking on the roof, they've got all the tar paper down, they've got the sides on everything. After today, maybe by noon tomorrow, it will be completely weathered in. We're making good progress on our house. This has been a great little apartment. Man, we're ready to move into our own home.

Speaker 1: 2:04

Yeah, not bad bad. That's exciting, it's good news. Yep, can't wait to come down and stay in my bedroom down there.

Speaker 2: 2:12

Um, however, you've got that set up we can go on the back deck and we can have coffee or coffee mugs yeah and watch the deer walk by.

Speaker 1: 2:22

Watch the deer walk by. Yeah. Well, the reason for this episode I saw this Simon Sinek video on LinkedIn yesterday. It kind of hit me between the eyes just a little bit and wanted to get your take on it. He was talking about somebody who had gone through a hard time and, uh, it's just a very short video and now I can't find it. But there's another video that goes along the same lines with him and I'll get to that in just a second. But, um, he was talking about somebody going through a hard time and so he told them well, first off he was talking about, you know, a lot of people say well, if there's anything I can do, let me know. You know, blah, blah, blah. And uh, it's kind of a easy, cheesy, lazy way out of committing to helping a friend or family member by putting the burden on them to come up with something that you can do for me.

Speaker 2: 3:27

So he said but but points for being there well, I mean, if you, if you do that minimally, you know, I guess you're on the playing field yeah uh, and so you may not be an impact player, but you're on the field, you're on the map at least.

Speaker 1: 3:41

yeah, yeah, so good point. So he said what he told his friend was I'm going to call you every day at three o'clock for a month or two months or three months, depending on the severity of the case, and you know where they are in their headspace and all that stuff, and uh, so he would call them every day at three just checking it. And then, and then he said, then he said and don't feel like you have to answer the call. You know I'm calling, I'm telling you right now I'm going to call, I'm going to be there. If you don't feel like picking it up, if you don't feel like talking, that's totally cool, I get it.

Speaker 1: 4:32

But if you do want to pick it up, you know I'm going to be there at three o'clock and if there's something you want to talk about or say, uh, there you go. So I'll be there for you for a short little phone call. Um and I thought that was really. I've never heard anybody say or do something like that how cheap, how easy that is, how and how. It's not even inexpensive, it's no cost, except for a little bit of time it's intentional and it's intentional, purposeful and uh.

Speaker 1: 5:07

And so he said this friend didn't answer for the first week. It's totally okay, you know he just he or she, whatever they were going through just didn't feel like talking. And then pretty soon they started picking up the phone every so often and then pretty soon it's like every day and that's totally cool. At least if you put yourself in the place of the person who's receiving the phone call, just getting the call is someone who's consistent and someone who follows through and does what they say they're going to do, that in itself means would mean a lot to me.

Speaker 2: 5:49

What are your thoughts? Yeah, I think it all kind of gets back to when you're going, when you have a friend or somebody whoever. You know that, that you know that's going through some sort of hard thing, you know, I think. I think empathy goes a long way toward putting you where you probably need to be, to be of the most service. You know. It's like. You know it's like you know with with, with Janet, you know, and her cancer, you know, just to know that people are thinking about you and reach out.

Speaker 2: 6:24

I think what he did there is a fine thing Say, I'm going to call you every day. For some people it may be a little much, I don't know, it depends on the person, but if you give them permission not to answer the phone, I think that's a pretty big deal and you persist anyway and you're not going to take offense and you can't have a whiff of offense in any of your communications. Have any. You can't have a whiff of offense in any of your communications. You know if you're going to say you know, and you really mean it and and presumably you know, you would mean that you know, so I, I think that, I think that's good, I I think you know when, when. Um, you know, we kind of like teamed up you know when, when, when janet was going through her difficulty with cancer, when Janet was going through her difficulty with cancer, so I was able to write on CaringBridge.

Speaker 1: 7:11

What's.

Speaker 2: 7:12

CaringBridge. It's just a site for people. I don't know if it's just cancer, but there's a lot of people who have cancer and it just provides them an easy way to communicate what's going on with their cancer. And if you're going through it, I think it's really hard to try to write, you know. So if you have somebody that can write for you, I think that's a big deal. And having somebody that can write for you or kind of intercede for you, like that kind of be a personal administrative assistant, I think that's a big deal because it kind of takes the pressure off of them to communicate, um, and let everybody know what's going on.

Speaker 2: 7:49

Because because everybody wants to know what's going on yeah, and and you know some of these things like this is somebody with a, with a serious illness. Um, you know what I learned about it? Um, is that it can be a super isolating experience. Why is?

Speaker 1: 8:04

that well, because you know super isolating experience.

Speaker 2: 8:05

Why is that? Well, because you know you're going through all kinds of treatments and there's, there's a lot of those that that make you immunocompromised, you know. So you can't successfully fight off infection and you're trying like crazy to get through chemotherapy. And you know chemotherapy is trying to kill you. That's what chemotherapy is doing. It's trying to kill you and you know chemotherapy is trying to kill you. That's what chemotherapy is doing. It's trying to kill you and the healthy cells hopefully regenerate quicker than the cancer cells that are being killed, you know, in the process. But it's not. It's an equal opportunity killer, you know. And it'll kill the host too, you know. So it brings everything down, your whole system down, so you can't get out, and this goes on for months and months and it wrecks your white blood cells, red blood cells. That can go on for a year, year and a half.

Speaker 2: 8:52

So you know, when I say isolating, that's what I mean. You can't go to church, you know. You have to really be choosy about whether or not you, you know, go along to the grocery store or go out to a restaurant. I mean pretty isolating. So and your social interaction? You know just flat lines at that point, and so you know, for us to be able to to write and I wrote for janet, but you know we had other people in our family, like um tasha, who, uh, who volunteered to communicate for us.

Speaker 2: 9:23

I'm comfortable writing and communicating, and so you know I took that on and it's less for Janet to explain to somebody else about what to write, what to communicate, but, man, just you know, getting that out there, so people knew what was going on, and then it was so meaningful, like we had so many people that were following along, like I don't know what the number was, but it was over a hundred people, I think, following along, and you know when you would write, when I would write something about you know the latest thing that was happening. I tried to put week updates out there weekly. You know, just getting, just getting things back, you know like a thumbs up or or you know somebody say, yeah, we're, um, you know, thanks for thanks for the note, we're praying for you.

Speaker 2: 10:08

I mean just those little things telling you, you know, from being in the trenches, that's meaningful you know, and as you know somebody who, um, you know people who are, um, you know, committed to their faith, you know we're, we're Christians and so to to to, you know know that somebody is out there and they're praying for you, meant everything. And I'm not kidding, it meant everything Cause you know you go to bed at night and you're thinking, wow, so I can go to sleep, I can go to bed here, I can lay down and rest, and, and you know, like the likelihood that there's somebody out there who's actually thinking about us and lifting us up, it's a big deal. So I think I think those, you know, I think having people that are willing to respond like that or reach out, just, you know a text and just be, you know, purposeful about it Don't try to write a book, you know, when you send a text, just something quick and easy to consume, to consume and not putting any burden on the recipient, you know is huge.

Speaker 1: 11:10

Sometimes those of us on this side think that just sending a little emoji or a little thumbs up or whatever isn't enough. You know, was that, yeah, it kind of poo-poo, the it kind of just dismiss the gesture, the the easy click on the thumb or the heart or whatever. So what you're saying is it really does mean something if when you get well to us it.

Speaker 2: 11:34

Did you remember that movie? Um, you've got mail way back there. I think that was tom hanks and yeah, meg ryan, or meg ryan yeah, yeah, but you know, just in there, when you, when, when, when she would hear this bing you know, did a male come in?

Speaker 2: 11:52

you know how excited she got, like it's kind of like that. But you know, for us, um, those kind of things were really meaningful. Then some people would write more extensively. You know, write a paragraph back or something, um, and you know, get give give paragraph back or something Um, and you know, get give give some sort of encouragement, and they're really good at it too. I mean, the last thing you want to do, you know, for somebody in that kind of situation is give advice, because you know, you know uh, talk about that for a minute.

Speaker 1: 12:18

Why is that so bad?

Speaker 2: 12:19

Because that sounds like the natural thing you want to do is give them some advice, especially if I've been that it is valuable, but but I think you, you have to earn their permission to provide advice, otherwise they can just be unwelcome for whatever reason. You know that they feel terrible, you know, and you know I, you know. To have somebody say like I know what you're going through, you know what you need to do is, you know, put some vitamin c and some hot water and dump some whiskey in there and then put some lemon in there and drink it and you'll be fine, you know, or whatever. You know, it's not realistic and it it? It really kind of, in a way, people aren't trying to be, but it's kind of arrogant. It's not really understanding the situation or thinking that they got a quick cure for something. It's kind of like why didn't you figure this out?

Speaker 1: 13:09

I mean, that's kind of insulting, you know, and people aren't intending to be insulting, that's not what they intend and they're trying to be helpful, right, but in that price it gets real sticky when you have and I think that's why people back away from this kind of stuff, becauseught with landmines and you don't want to upset or tip over the apple card or whatever you know. Yeah, I don't know how to communicate with you. They don't know what to say.

Speaker 2: 14:02

Well you're horribly embarrassed because you're going through some sort of nasty divorce or something. I mean, I haven't had that experience, you know, but some people do. And there's other things as well. You know where people, you know they it's embarrassing to them, you know their life isn't Facebook put together like everybody else's, you know, and they and they that's embarrassing to them and so they don't really want to, you know, talk about it or communicate about it. So you know again, it's empathy, it. So you know again it's it's empathy. It's really kind of like, you know, if you're, if you're kind of oriented towards or you can put that yourself there for a little while, you know, empathy is all about doing your best to understand where the other person is coming from and just being receptive to what you can do to help. But I think I think you kind of got to earn that permission for somebody to say, yeah, you know, you know you've been through something similar to what I've been through. What did you do in this? Now you have an invitation and if you have something that you can say, you know, then then at that point, you know, you share it very carefully and again, thoughtfully and with you know, your your empathy mindset on.

Speaker 2: 15:12

But not every, not all two divorces are the same. Not all heart attacks are the same. Not all heart attacks are the same, you know, not not all issues with children are the same, you know. So, even though you may have had, you know, a similar thing yeah, I have, I also have, you know, experience with, whatever it is, you know, a difficult child or or a a a divorce. You know and you know, even though, even though you may kind of have already earned a similar merit badge, it doesn't mean that therefore, you have the right, you know, just to tell people like how to fix everything, because that's not understanding them, that's you trying to provide advice and you know, I don't know.

Speaker 2: 15:49

you know it's kind of difficult to articulate, but Well, it's just like a guy.

Speaker 1: 15:53

Guy, that's what guys do you know? Women to women, I don't know, but I'm just speaking from a guy standpoint. That's immediately what we default to is. Oh well, here let me tell you what you need to do. Man, I went through the same thing.

Speaker 1: 16:04

Well, number one, it's not the same thing, it's. It's a type in a shadow, but it's not the same thing. And so you might give some advice, that's. And so you just want to start kicking in that let's fix this, let's fix this right now. You know, come on, bro, let's go. You know, and that's where listening comes in, and that's where people I would say most people are not good at listening. And so when someone says I got this problem, you know whatever? Let's say they finally pick up the phone and say hey, what's going on? You know, hey, like I said, I was just calling to see what's going on, and so then they start talking, and then your wheels start going and you know you're starting to put things together. So here's what we can do to you know, here's what you should do. Blah, blah, blah. The best thing you do is just keep your mouth shut. Yeah, just let them talk and just listen.

Speaker 2: 16:57

Yeah, and not but, but active listening is good too. I mean, you don't want to give them, like a a, a blank surface to speak into. They get no verbal cues or anything back.

Speaker 1: 17:07

Oh no, no, that's right yeah, all right, right, right, you want to. You want them to know that you are listening and that you are receiving what they're, you're picking up what they're laying down. But I just know from experience I wind up trying to help fix their problem and I stopped listening and I start prescribing, and that's the last thing they want to hear. Really, they just want to get it off their chest.

Speaker 2: 17:33

Yeah, prescribing is an interesting word, cause that's what I was just. I was thinking about. You know, avoid being prescriptive, oh man.

Speaker 1: 17:45

Before we continue, the best way to support the Scott Townsend show is by telling friends, family members and becoming a patron at patr. Patreoncom forward slash the Scott Townsend show. So yeah, we have awesome perks, personalized videos, personalized episodes, all kinds of cool stuff at different tier levels. Patreon allows us to do the show full-time, part-time, anytime. So thank you so much for your support. Full-time, part-time, anytime. So thank you so much for your support.

Speaker 2: 18:16

But you know everybody needs to eat and so I don't think there's anything wrong with you know, depending on the situation. Like you know, sometimes if somebody's incapacitated in some way they broke their leg or whatever everybody's got to eat. It's difficult to fix dinner when you've got a broken leg or you know you have some other thing where you're going through some sort of intense thing. It's like when people lose a loved one, you take them food. It's a way of showing care and concern in actual service, I think, offering to bring a meal or join somebody out for coffee. There's lots of ladies that did that with Janet, you know. Join somebody out for coffee. There's lots of ladies that did that with Janet, you know if, if it worked out for her, you know meet her for coffee. Or or you know, bring her something. You know just bring stuff by. When we're going to come and bring some stuff by, we're not going to stay long.

Speaker 2: 19:07

We're just going to drop it off. That's also a good call, you know, because you know you never know what's going on in the house you know where you have. You know people who have been torn up by surgery and all kinds of stuff. So you know quick hits I think are really good, you know, if you show up and they're like no, no, no, can you, can you sit down for a second?

Speaker 1: 19:21

Yeah, again there's your invitation.

Speaker 2: 19:24

There's your invitation and your permission, and so you know if you're trying to show empathy. I think that's an indicator of success.

Speaker 1: 19:32

Yeah, you, I think that's an indicator of success. Yeah, you kind of hit the nail on the head. Yeah, if you get the invitation.

Speaker 2: 19:44

Yeah, so to be a good listener. What does it mean to be a good listener?

Speaker 1: 19:49

Well, I mean, like I said, kind of like active listening.

Speaker 2: 19:50

You know, like I guess I wasn't listening earlier. So, yeah, you're too focused on what you want to say. You know just verbal cues, as you're, or and nonverbal cues. You're too focused on what you want to say. You know just verbal cues, as you're, or nonverbal cues, you know as you're listening. And if you're something you don't quite understand, you know checking for understanding, as somebody you know is explaining something to you to make you, because you want to make sure that you're understanding them right and you want to make sure that they know that they're being understood, you know. So those kind of you know.

Speaker 1: 20:16

You know active listening skills, which doesn't include advice, you know and also maybe kind of feeding back what you just heard, so they know that you did receive it correctly yeah, repeating it back, yep yeah. Why is reaching out for help so stigmatized? Why do people not like to reach out for help?

Speaker 2: 20:41

because nobody wants to feel needy. It's. It's a maybe part of a pride issue. You know, and I'm not immune to that. You know I just yesterday I got out of um my sling for my rotator cuff surgery and you don't want to be a bother and an inconvenience and you know it's like even here in the house. You know, try putting your socks on sometime. With one hand it can be done. But you know I like to wear like the smart wool wool socks. And you know, after you wash them one time, you know they kind of like they. They don't shrink but but but actually shrink but they're. They become kind of stiff and you know, like harder to put them on you know it was like tighter.

Speaker 2: 21:26

Yeah, man, try that with one hand sometimes and so and so a lot of times. You know, janet was helping me put my socks on, you know, and that's every day, man, yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:36

Every day.

Speaker 2: 21:36

And so you feel like you're a bother and you don't want to be a bother and even though you know she would get irritated with me because I would try to put my socks on without asking for her help, because she wanted to help, you know, still, you know you kind of feel like you know that's a lot of it. You know it's hard to ask for help, I mean.

Speaker 1: 21:53

And then if you don't ask for help, you hit on something else too. You deny the people around you the service that they want to provide. And could they actually get really upset with you because you didn't ask them to help and they're ready to help and you didn't employ them. And you know, we all know this is just a temporary little setback, so just let me help you. You know, yeah, you don't, you don't need to be superman all the time, and and then you try to be superman and then people get irritated and and disappointed and whatnot, and that's just. I guess I guess that's got to be okay, and that's just. I guess I guess that's gotta be okay too. But that's natural for them to get that way, because they want to try to help, and we just need to let people help us. We need to be able to ask for help and we need to be able to allow people around us to help them, help us, because they get something out of it too.

Speaker 2: 22:51

Right, no, I think that's right. And and you and, and you know they want to be helpful and they're they're kind of answering, you know, in their own life, you know a friend or a spouse or whatever kind of like the call they have to service, you know, and if they're trying to engage with you and you're going through something, they feel a call to service. So it's hard. I mean, I, I, you know, I, I believe me, you know I couldn't do, I couldn't put on, I, I, you know I, I believe me, you know I, I couldn't do it, I couldn't put on a shirt by myself.

Speaker 2: 23:18

You know, when I had my that, that my shoulder surgery, I couldn't put my socks on, I couldn't button my jeans, you know. So you know I, I'm, I walk around, you know, for six weeks wearing sweatpants almost every single day, cause it's something that I could pull up, you know, and, uh, but you know, there, when we go to, like it would go out for whatever reason it's not that I never wore my jeans, you know, but you know I had to have her butt in my jeans and zip my pants up and put my belt on. It's something else I couldn't do. Um, so you know, just it's really basic stuff, man, you know, and you just kind of have to accept help, and so we've been helping each other with stuff for a long time.

Speaker 1: 23:59

So yeah not a not a big deal, but kind of have to have a good sense of humor about it too.

Speaker 2: 24:06

Mm, hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah, find ways to make it fun.

Speaker 1: 24:11

Yeah, simon Sinek was talking about the eight minute call. This was another video. I guess, uh, some research shows that someone going through a depression, grief, whatever trouble times that uh, a an eight minute phone call, whether it's daily, weekly, every other week or whatever, uh, eight minutes seems to be the uh, the uh ideal time. It's not too long, it's not too short, gives you enough time to get some info, give some info, uh, and then hang up because you're busy, they're busy, but you've been able to accomplish your mission to help them and and and they've been able to let you help them by, you know, speaking, talking and you listening. So eight minutes, I thought that was an interesting number yeah, I do.

Speaker 2: 25:12

I think that it is interesting and you know, for the love of all, that's holy, if somebody has ever told you that you're a talker, you know, you just got to understand what you're. You're. You tend to do, um, and if that's you, you know, I think you gotta set a timer, you know, and and and just say we're only gonna, I'm only gonna, I'm going to limit myself to five minutes here, because I don't want to take up your whole day. And sometimes I start talking and I, I, you know, we'll be 30 minutes later and I'm still going and I haven't taken a breath and you haven't said a word. That's me, you know. So I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna hold this to five minutes and then I'm going. Unless you want me to, you know, hang out, but I just, you know, this is really all about you, blah, blah, blah. So set a timer. If you're one of those people, man, set a timer, because some people can absolutely wear you out.

Speaker 2: 26:00

Oh, yeah, going on and on and on, and you know you're about to pass out.

Speaker 1: 26:04

Yeah, you lay the phone down, go to the bathroom, get a, so anything you know. I thought this would be good to do a video like this, a podcast like this, to help people who we all go through stuff job, medical, family, friends, whatever um and not a lot of people know how to deal with it. Uh, we don't do a lot of teaching on it, we don't. You know there's not a lot of talk about it because it's not a lot. It's not a fun conversation, but it can be a good conversation. It's not necessarily fun, although I think this conversation has been kind of fun, but I think that it's a important thing Because there are people out there hurting and if we can help just one other listener get it and know how to approach someone going through a tough time, I guess mission accomplished.

Speaker 2: 27:13

Yeah, and I think you know again, as a Christian, you know sometimes people wonder why they have to go through tough things. You know, if God loves me, why do I have to go through tough things? I think it's a super complicated answer, complex answer. But I think one of those things is it kind of uniquely qualifies you to talk to somebody else who is going through something very similar, and so it allows us, it kind of empowers us for service. You can't jump in with giving advice and all kinds of stuff like that. Again, you have to wait for the invitation.

Speaker 2: 27:44

But if you've gone through it before, if somebody's been through a divorce, even though they're all different, it kind of empowers you for service to be of maximum assistance to somebody who's going through the same thing. Or you know it's all kinds of trouble that people have out there. And if you've gone through that, you know some sort of health thing, whether it's a heart attack or cancer or whatever it is, you know it does kind of empower you in a different way to be of service. And that's also great too, because when, when you know if you, if you make yourself available, if you've already earned that merit badge, you know and you make yourself available and then somebody invites you in, you know then you, then you can really really help them out.

Speaker 2: 28:32

And there are some people like that. You know when we're going through all of our stuff. You remember Mike Perryman. Yeah, he's one of those guys you know and he's he's been through you know his own cancer struggle and he's amazing and you know the way he handled that. You know his attitude and his encouragement was amazing. So you know there are those people out there and we all have different experiences and sometimes we get the call We've had that similar experience and we can help people out, but you still have to run all the same traps as everybody else and just kind of be there and empathize and listen and wait for that invitation.

Speaker 1: 29:16

So, yeah, when they're in the mud and this person, whatever, when this person, whatever it is, is in the, is in the muck, is in the yuck, you know the mud and you're reaching down trying to help them out, they might not want to move for a little bit. It might be better. What you're saying is might be better for that, for you to get down in the mud with them, and that's not a lot of fun, for you to get down in the mud with them, and that's not a lot of fun. The other thing, too, is, if you've been through this before, then your pants are probably probably stained with the same mud. You know, because you went before them.

Speaker 1: 29:51

So when they're looking at you, they see you've actually been through this crap. You know your, your, your pants are stained with this mud. It's kind of a, it's like a scar. You know. It tells a story. So just to get down in the and so when you get in the mud with them, then they're they're kind of okay with it, I guess, and they know what you're doing and you don't have to say anything and eventually, at some point, at some point, you you know, you look at them, say are you ready to get up and climb this ladder now, and at some point they're probably going to say, okay, yeah, I think I'm ready now. But what I tend to do is immediately go and grab their hand, say, come on, let's go you know, yeah, you basically make all the mistakes.

Speaker 2: 30:44

Yeah, yeah, that's true, but you know what I mean too. You know you might feel like this is the way I feel, like I feel like I need to say something that's going to be like necessarily profound, but I want to say something like intelligent, to help them, to encourage them in some way, and you don't have to do that, you don't have to put that kind of pressure on yourself. Really, it's way more effective just to just to be empathetic, you know, just to practice. You know your, your empathy skills and and I'm not saying I'm great at it, but I've seen some people who are great at it and some people who have been great at it, you know, have been involved in our lives and, uh, some. But sometimes you do get, you know some pretty profound stuff.

Speaker 2: 31:21

I mentioned, like you know, uh, I remember one time he said and I'm gonna get, I'm not gonna quote exactly right here, but he said something to the effect of you never know how strong you can be until there's no other way. You never know how strong you can be until there's no other way, and I think that's 100 true. Uh, and, and you know things like that, you can be until there's no other way, and I think that's 100% true and you know things like that. You know people who have kind of been in the same trenches and things you know they can offer that kind of thing. You know kind of real, thoughtful kind of input. It's not really advice, it's just kind of input into the process. It's encouraging. You know giving your courage, encouraging others. Get me imparting my courage to you.

Speaker 1: 32:04

I encourage you yeah, that's good, that's good. Well, I anything else along these lines no man, I think I'm tapped out.

Speaker 2: 32:17

You've hit my limit of uh insight I can provide here, I think.

Speaker 1: 32:22

Yeah, I mean you and Jan went through quite a bit there and there was a lot of people supporting you guys and helping you guys. And oh, one thing that you mentioned that, just when you and me but we haven't mentioned it here on the podcast is, well, you did mention about eating and like a good towns and we all want to mention about eating, but you mentioned something about people in like a good towns and we all want to mention about eating, but you mentioned something about people doing DoorDash, gift certificates and stuff.

Speaker 2: 32:46

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 32:46

I had never thought of, you know, and so talk about that just a little bit before we head out here.

Speaker 2: 32:53

Yeah, so well, in the past two weeks we've had two opportunities to. You know Hunter is in Houstonston. You know he was really sick with the flu. We're really hoping that emily, his wife, would not get the flu, but it's frustrating for us to be here. You know, uh, three out, three and a half hours away and we can't be around somebody with the flu.

Speaker 2: 33:14

You know, now it's not not smart for us. Um, you know, probably in the end okay, but you know we just really don't impress it, but but you feel useless and you feel like so. But man, you know, probably in the end okay, but you know we just really don't want to impress it, but you feel useless and you feel like, but, man, you know there's all different kind of ways you can help and if the only thing you can do is call or send text or let them know you're praying, that's awesome. There's a what's it place called, yeah, of comfort. There's a, there's a it's an online thing spoonful of comfort and and somebody you know at distance or even in your, in your, in your main town, but it works great for somebody at distance. You know you can, you can uh buy them. You know they have uh, soup and kind of like care packages, and it's really good stuff. It's not cheap, it's pretty good and you can send it to them.

Speaker 2: 34:04

And then you know, nolan, you know, had something you know, the next, the very next week, you know, like five or six days later he, he, he got the flu in a different location. Again, we're at distance. So on that one, we, we did DoorDash and we sent him a DoorDash. You know, sorry, we can't be there to bring something to you. Wish we could. So even though even though you're not there, it doesn't mean there's nothing that you can do. You know you can send, you can do that. You can have flowers sent. You don't have to spend a dime though, um, and if you want to rock somebody's world, you can.

Speaker 1: 34:41

You can do a real old world thing that nobody does anymore and actually write a handwritten note, you know, and it's put it in the mailbox, um, with a little flag.

Speaker 2: 34:46

Yeah, that's really cool and a little, what a little flag on the mailbox you put that up and somebody will come and take that, that mail and deliver it to you.

Speaker 2: 34:54

Yeah, but you know, emails are great, text messages are great. Uh, you know, a letter or a card in the mail is an absolutely it's a lost art. And you want to rock somebody's world? Man, do that because it shows a lot of forethought. Um, even if you don't have to say anything, you know real great or anything you know, just like, don't have to be ernest hemingway, you just right, three sentences, two sentences.

Speaker 2: 35:19

You know whatever you want. You know um, that's almost free yeah you know, text message is free, unless, for most people, an email is free. There's a phone call, so there's. There's all kinds of ways to do it. So if if you're thinking that, well, I just you know they're there, or whatever kind of excuse yourself, um, there's tons of ways to do it, yeah, so you just got a purpose to do so again purposeful.

Speaker 1: 35:46

Get a little piece of paper, write down a couple sentences. Get a little.

Speaker 2: 35:50

Get a little uh package, put a little pester in there and mail it out and you're good to go exactly so I'll be looking for my your letter to show my mailbox. It shouldn't see it's Thursday. She get here next Monday man.

Speaker 1: 36:06

All right, well, that's a good, that's a good convo. You're listening to this, uh, share it with your friends, family it's, this is something that a lot of people need to hear. It's, uh, it's important and, uh, it it's important because it helps others and just helps us all of us get through the day a little bit better. All right, well, go enjoy wrapping your house up.

Speaker 2: 36:32

Sounds good. Thanks, Scott.

Speaker 1: 36:34

All right. Well for Ben Townsend. This is Scott Townsend. Thanks for listening to the Scott Townsend Show. Have a great day. Everything's going to be all right and we'll talk to you later. For more episodes, visit the Scott Townsend Show YouTube channel, listen on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The Scott Townsend Show Talks on show.