#209 You Really Don't Have To Listen To This w/Jay Webster

What if the key to a fulfilling life lies in the small moments you often overlook? Sit down with Jay Webster, a jack-of-all-trades in filmmaking, humor writing, and authoring, as we explore this very notion. From humorous breakfast banter to the inspiration behind his latest book, "You Really Don't Have to Read This," Jay shares stories that celebrate the cherished small moments and universal themes like nostalgia and childhood. Discover how recognizing these moments can shape your life and bring a newfound appreciation for the ordinary.

In our discussion, we reflect on the powerful impact of small communities, intimate gatherings, and deep relationships. Jay’s personal anecdotes and thought-provoking insights challenge the belief that life's purpose needs to be grandiose. Instead, we emphasize how small actions and connections can create lasting, positive ripples in the world around us, making life richer and more fulfilling. Tune in for an episode that’s both humorous and profoundly moving.

Chapters

• 0:00 Small Moments
• 10:54 The Power of Small Connections
• 17:17 Lunchroom Insecurities and Growing Up
• 31:59 Impact of Small Gestures
• 36:24 Family Camper Trailer Adventures
• 47:03 Honest Conversations on Spirituality
• 52:12 Encouraging Words on Scott Townsend Show

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Ever wondered what songs should play at your funeral or why school cafeterias are a breeding ground for anxiety? Today, I'm joined by Jay Webster, a filmmaker, humor columnist and the mind behind Pioneer Dreams Production Company. He's also the award-winning author of the Bird and the Moon, not to mention a husband, a father and all-around great guy. We'll be diving into his latest book you Really Don't have to Read this and exploring why small is the new big and why we often stay silent when we see someone doing something well. It's a conversation that will make you rethink the little moments that shape our lives. So stick around.

Speaker 1: 0:51

Welcome to the Scott Townsend Show brought to you by Dietzelman Productions.

Speaker 2: 0:56

Softball question what did you have for breakfast this morning? So we listened to some other podcasts here and there, and there was a podcast recently that had a book called I want to say it's new energy or something like that. Anyway, it's the latest thing on what you should eat, what you should avoid and all that kind of stuff. And and that's my wife is actually the one that uh, listened to the interview and thought, oh, we gotta get this book. And so she bought the book and it was, um, maybe not a surprise. It was all about everything you're eating is the wrong thing you're eating and you need to clean all it up and do organic and all that. So for the last month we've been trying to do more of that, and part of that has included, like flaxseed and flax meal and that kind of stuff, and so we have been doing. We call them flax bombs and that'll let you know exactly what they do, but uh, but they actually kind of make these muffins and all that kind of stuff and so.

Speaker 2: 1:50

But we were out of eggs today, so I added the flax meal to oatmeal and, uh, doubled up on the grains and that's what we did, so yeah, so if you have to excuse yourself, we understand. It's a run, yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:07

So is there some reverse psychology in this title? You really don't have to read this Well yes and no.

Speaker 2: 2:20

It's funny because a lot of that book is made up in some form or fashion. I have a monthly column that I get to do, and I have for probably 10 or 12 years, and part of the idea behind the book is, you know, for me I put a lot of thought into each of those columns that you every month, and probably more hours than I really should, and but it only has a 30 day shelf life. I mean, once the next episode or next issue of the magazine comes out, most people disregard the one previous. And uh, oh, my gosh, considering how much each of those things have meant to me, it's terrible to me that it's just done in 30 days or less, and uh, so I thought it would be nice to go back and revisit that.

Speaker 2: 3:03

There's also a number of essays that I have written that were not right for the magazine, and the magazine told me that, and so I thought but they were important to me and so I went back and rewrote those. So, but within that you know all those columns which I try to make funny and all that there's also a lot of opinion and everybody has an opinion, and I don't know why my opinion would be more important than someone else's. So the title is a little tongue-in-cheek, which is no one's forcing you to read this If you don't agree with the opinion or you don't find it funny don't read it, and that's okay.

Speaker 2: 3:38

But yeah, it is meant to be funny on the other side of it. So, like on our title um cover of the book, it actually says you really don't have to in very small font and then read this is in a large font. So when you look at the book it just says read this right for most people, yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:54

So yeah, it's. It's kind of letting people off the hook. You know we you and I do a lot of creative stuff and and you know what that process is like to try and get uh people to listen or be involved in your creative process. And then people will do the same thing for you. They'll say, hey, I want you to listen to this or whatever. And that is a tremendous burden to put on people a lot of times to listen to a whole album of music they don't know anything about, or read a book they don't know anything about, and so, um, I just wanted to go into it for myself and for others as lightly as possible.

Speaker 1: 4:27

You know, that's where that's how it kind of came from so what's the key theme or message you hope readers take away from this book? The book's very hopeful. I, I, yeah, let me, let me. I'll just uh, let me just say something real quick. Uh, this book, before we get too much deeper into it.

Speaker 1: 4:42

Uh, this book really took me back, uh, to man. It was like going down a memory lane. Uh, you talk about the cars and the music and you know things kids go through and I remember all of that stuff. The lunch boxes in the cafeteria, the uh, lunchbox versus a paper, brown paper sack, you know, and the angst around that. As a kid man, that's. That's so tragic. You know, if you have, yes, if you don't have, the lunchbox anyway. So, uh, it just, it was man. And and then bartlesville too. I mean, it seems like it's a love letter to your family, to your friends and to Bartlesville. But really, if someone's listening to this and they're in Pennsylvania, it's also. You don't have to be from Bartlesville to appreciate it, because it deals with a lot of universal themes. You know, I don't care where you grow up.

Speaker 2: 5:45

Yeah, I think a lot of it. You know, I don't know you grow up. Yeah, I think a lot of it. Uh, you know, I don't know that. I, you know I didn't set out to write this. You know, thematically throughout all those columns, but when I look back at it, probably it's it's. You know, whatever you value when you get to do something like a column, whatever your values are or your perspective is, that's what ends up kind of bleeding out into the column or the writing itself, and so you know, it's not a I don't need to go on to where we are right now as a culture in America and really what we're experiencing in America I don't think is unique.

Speaker 2: 6:18

I think you can, you can see a lot of the same conflicts in Europe. You can see it in other, in other parts of the world, and so I lot of the same conflicts in europe. You can see it in other, in other parts of the world, and um, so I I appreciate the opportunity to a poke fun at ourselves and call you know, call ourselves out on some things. So the idea that somehow, you know, only the other side has crazy people or only the other side has bad people and we never get to recognize our own failings on our own side, that part of it, but then I think a lot of it was trying to put a halt on the idea of making people one-dimensional.

Speaker 2: 6:52

So if someone is of the other political party or of the other religion or the other thing, we have this kind of caricature of them and we really hold them to that image. And the more that we can break away from that and engage other people, I think the healthier we get in that whole conversation. So, understanding what the other side quote fears, understanding what motivates them, understanding what we're trying to work out and that we are all much more human and together than maybe what we're feeling in this moment, that's really important to me. So I think that is the hope of it. You know, the hope is oh, we are. Despite the rhetoric, we're really not as far away from each other as we think we are. And the more we shrink that down into our little town in our case Bartlesville and our little communities and our neighbors, the more we can discover. Oh, oh yeah, we really are more connected than maybe we know on a national basis talking about republicans and democrats.

Speaker 1: 7:52

You uh mentioned something in the book that I thought was uh, I really had a problem with. I wrote I was offended by the thought that jesus isn't republican. What, totally kidding. But uh, yeah, it's. Uh, you know, you can play off that kind of stuff, have some fun with it and and force yourself to think okay, so, okay, so if he isn't republican and if he isn't democrat, then what is he? And where do we all fall in that you know?

Speaker 1: 8:20

because I think we all tend to think that uh is whoever we are. You know, yeah, maybe that's true to everybody, but you know, we try to also pigeonhole him into a certain look or a certain description, kind of forget, or, or we short sheet the idea that he's so much more than just a absolutely wig, or, and that's, I mean, that's reality.

Speaker 2: 8:54

I don't need jesus to look like me. Yeah, though, that though I spent a lot of my time trying to make him someone much smarter than I am had made that point that you know that this this god of our creation, that you know that we have done a lot to try and make sure that God looks like us and has our values and has our interests at heart, as opposed to someone who's bigger than us and something that might actually transform us from our current state into something better than who we are right now. So, if Jesus only looks like me and he thinks like I think and he values only what I value, then, I'm already there, I've already reached this, you know, deity status.

Speaker 2: 9:34

But if there's someone bigger than me, something bigger than me that is calling me to change or calling me to a better version of myself, then I should be interested in that.

Speaker 2: 9:44

And so, yeah, I did kind of do it tongue in cheek, because, you know, oklahoma is about as red a state as you can get. Republicans are a super majority here and most national campaigns they will call Oklahoma before they call Florida, and that's on the East Coast. So, you know, in our case, poking that you know, poking fun at that and being open to that is really really important, and it is, it is the stuff that ends up troubling us or pausing us for a second. It oftentimes is the thing that it can also be the most helpful in our lives. So there's an awful lot in Christianity that offends my senses and offends my comfort and offends me on a lot of other different levels. And that's the healthy part of it for me. That's the part that says, oh, I must be in the right place, I must be in the right class and taking the right courses, because this is really difficult, you know.

Speaker 1: 10:37

Yeah, so let's dive into the book just a little bit. I want to kind of give the listeners those are watching kind of a taste of uh, what they might be able to expect from the book a lot of great, uh, a lot of great stuff here. I usually, at night, um, my wife and I will sit out in the backyard under our umbrella on the patio and, uh, I'll have a stack of books.

Speaker 1: 11:03

I usually have like three books, four books that I'm reading at once you know, yeah, so we would sit outside and I was reading this one and, and almost every night when I got through with, uh, my reading, I'd look over at her and say, man, this is, this is just a really good book. It's funny and it's poignant and, uh, it's hopeful, and yet it's uh, you feel there's there's a little uh tugging at the heartstrings. Uh, not tragic, but uh, I was thinking of that one where you said, well, let me just start from the beginning, we'll get to it. Chapter two big. Um, yeah, talk to me about the chapter bit.

Speaker 1: 11:43

Well, here, let me start off with saying, uh, after 30 plus years of chasing big professionally, I think I have finally discovered the missing success factor is small, small communities and small interactions that leave a big impact, small things that make you laugh, small stolen peace moments or places your mind goes to when you're quiet, small points of focus you can go to and reset your mind. Uh, small is a stone that makes the ripples the first step of a long journey, the idea that later changes your whole way of thinking. Don't underestimate small. Yeah, what's small mean to you?

Speaker 2: 12:23

I mean it sounds like you were at first thinking everything needed to be big and grand and you're kind of missing the every, every hero story starts with something small, someone small, some small beginning and and, uh, yeah, part of our american mythology, of course, is this idea that we grew up with with and where you can be anything and you could be president of the United States if you want to be, and there's nothing, you know, there's nothing that's going to stop you from achieving your dreams and this, that and the other, which you know, is true to an extent, you know, but it also for me, and I think parts of my generation also seeded this idea that I, oh, that means I have to be big. I better get on the stick and find this whole thing. Whatever is your purpose in life, the vision for your life, you know, on and on and on. And we were.

Speaker 2: 13:16

We had done a book club for a different book called Big Magic a year or two ago, and there was a friend of ours who was. We had probably about 20 people in the club and it was a really fantastic thing. If you ever get a chance to do a book club, it's fantastic because the book is just an excuse for your conversation. So somewhere in there, uh, a lady who's uh 60 something said uh, I grew up and in my entire life, my parents always told me God has a plan for you, that is a purpose for you. And here I am now. I'm a widow and all the kids are gone and I'm alone and I'm thinking did I miss it? Did I miss this?

Speaker 1: 13:57

plan, because the plan was all that about.

Speaker 2: 13:59

Yeah, so the plan was supposed to be big, the plan was supposed to be grandiose. I was supposed to do this heroic quest and so for us, you know, in a creative field, when we first started, that was absolutely the goal. We wanted to do big movies, we wanted to do big music videos, we wanted to make a big impression. Little further down the road and maybe that big does not look like you thought it was going to look, and then you have to say so did I fail? Or is my life incomplete because I didn't achieve big at that level and um?

Speaker 2: 14:34

or what you thought, yeah, and I've been a part of that conversation from the book club with, uh, big magic starts out this conversation about how fame or notoriety that's still like a relatively new hundred year old concept. And if you were a musician, beyond that point, you just simply went from town to town and played and there were 20 or 40 people and and the fact that you were making a living doing music, that or or being a gesture or whatever, that was amazing, that was great. Do that thing. And it's only recently that we've cut this craving for a big audience, and so it's taken an awful lot to trade in big for small, but but within that has come, I think, a greater sense of community. So instead of always looking to go away to somewhere else and be known somewhere else and then created this bigger following, it is the depth of these relationships that I have found to become much, much more important.

Speaker 2: 15:32

So when we came out of the pandemic and we started doing events and gathering people together and all that kind of stuff, they were not large groups, they were, you know, 20 to 30, 40 size groups. But the intensity of the people within those groups and how much they desired to connect with people again. That was intense and that has been the thing that's, I think, changed us. So you know, I guess the question is would you rather deeply impact and connect with 10 people, or loosely, or broadly, or forgettably, connect with a thousand people? So, yeah, we can do those things and you can create that kind of buzz and you can connect with a thousand people, but that may not last for you, but the 10 people who will be with you till the end, that's important. That's a deep thing.

Speaker 1: 16:22

Right.

Speaker 2: 16:23

Yeah, and the reality is there's only so many big spots available. So if you're chasing that, it's like growing up with a dream of being in the NBA. That's really only going to happen for a very small group of people, so you better be okay with this announce in the process.

Speaker 3: 16:46

Thank you for joining the Scott Townsend Show. We'll be back right after this.

Speaker 1: 16:56

Hey, if you're enjoying the episode, why not share the love? Spread the word with your friends and family. And hey, don't forget to hit that subscribe button so you never miss an episode. Got something to say I'd love to hear from you. Shoot me an email at scott, at scotttownsendinfo, and let me know why you decided to subscribe. Your feedback means the world to us. Uh.

Speaker 1: 17:17

The other one, uh, cosmic kid in full costume dress yes, oh, man, this one paragraph. All the other kids had superhero lunch boxes with matching thermostat thermoses. I dragged and a. I dragged and recycled a brown bag. Each day at noon my lunch, neighbors would unload oreos and capri suns and fruit roll-ups and whatever edibles came with the tv jingles. With tv jingles, yeah, I usually pulled out a mostly thawed bologna sandwich which my working mom wisely pre-made and froze weeks in advance. The ketchup was always the last defrost and I that takes me back to the Mountain View in Texas, the elementary school that I went to, and the smell of bologna and Fritos. I still can smell that to this day and I remember having. I mean, I was fortunate enough to have a lunchbox and it was. You know, to have a brown paper bag, like I was telling you earlier would just be, you know, for a kid so devastating, and yet you seem to handle it really well. You weren't too scarred from it, doesn't look like?

Speaker 2: 18:31

Yeah, well, yeah, that title for that chapter actually comes from a Bruce Springsteen song. Some of the listeners will know, but it's from a song called Growing Up, and yeah, it was. That's the first moment, I think one of the first moments where you discover us versus them for the very first time. So that's the moment where you begin to assess who you are, who your is, uh, versus the families and the persons around you. And so you show up to school and you begin to notice your sneakers or tennis shoes versus their sneakers or tennis shoes or your clothing versus.

Speaker 2: 19:11

And then in the lunchroom, it was always that, so people would show up with a lunchbox and a matching thermos and then they would be whatever the snack du jour was. So in our, in my era, was uh, you know, is this the uh, punchable, um sunken stuff and all that kind of stuff and all the prepackaged foods, and and so my mom and dad were divorced very early and uh, we you know, my mom was kind of the definition of the working poor at the time, and so we just didn't have it, and so whatever we had, it would always be like, you know, saltine crackers and a bologna sandwich and maybe an apple or something and everybody else was rolling up Rolo Pops and you know all that kind of stuff and, like we said, anything with a jingle they had it.

Speaker 2: 19:57

Yeah, marketing and a box yeah, and you see, you did notice and I, you know, my, it was funny, as my uh daughter who's uh almost 13, she doesn't really lack anything uh. But we but we both kind of had longed for, um, the cafeteria lunch because it always smelled so good. And then, you know, that was kind of a level playing field too. Anybody that got a tray, you didn't know who they were, where they came from, they just all had the same tray and so yeah, it did, I think, bother me a lot through probably sixth grade or so, you know, when everybody else had the better shoes and the better pants and all that kind of stuff. But that just played into an insecurity you already had.

Speaker 2: 20:39

I was, I was really awkward as a kid. I was too tall, my feet were too long, I was too thin, I was not coordinated, I wasn't good at a lot of stuff, I had dyslexia, I needed glasses and I didn't know it, and so I was perpetually the class Tom, because I would just get distracted and and didn't know what else to do with myself. So you know, being saddled by a little bit of minor poverty only played into, you know how I already felt about myself anyway.

Speaker 1: 21:13

Did you feel like you were in poverty? Or did you feel like, did you realize that there?

Speaker 2: 21:15

wasn't enough, or did you just Not? No, not until later in life did I kind of know where we were, but we had. I came from a really large Irish Catholic family and they were fun, and so I felt good about all that. And I don't think you're as aware, you know. I think you know the way that poverty might have impacted me in that level was just simply, probably in some way I felt like that was just more of me.

Speaker 2: 21:40

I'm just not as good as everybody else, um, but but you know I had a really secure childhood. I would always. I slept in the same house, in the same bed, I was with my mom, everything was good and it wasn't. There was no upheaval or disorder or that kind of stuff. My mom really made sure of all that. So, um, I wasn't, I wasn't really aware of the pot until I got out of it and went back and looked at that stuff and, and you know like I have since taken my daughter back to the first house we lived in when we moved to bartles road from kansas, um, and it's literally on the train tracks, beside the train tracks, and my mom and I came back from being somewhere one night and there were police cars everywhere and the house is deep on the west side, where we live now, and so there are police cars everywhere and we got stopped by the cops on our way into the house and the cops said where are you going?

Speaker 2: 22:38

and my mom said well, this is where we live, this is my house, it's not anymore you got to get out of here and you know it was that bad a spot and uh. So now I can take my daughter back and it's it's. I'm not trying to, you know, warp her or get points, I just want her to know how good we have it yeah now because we're living in a, in a lifestyle, in a way that most people just simply don't you know, even in our community. So I just want her to be able to appreciate how good we really have it, you know, whatever level it's yeah participation ribbon.

Speaker 1: 23:15

This was a good one, and there's one thing in here. Hang on a second. What I liked about this one was that it really shows off your comedic writing. Just good writing for one, but comedic writing, yeah. On the last last part having left my thirties long ago, I often feel like I left my athletic triumphs in the pocket of another decade's pants. I just thought that was a pretty clever sentence. That's okay. I refuse to go quietly into the exercise night. I'm more than happy to hold that blue participation ribbon up high. Yes.

Speaker 2: 24:10

Just a good. Just wanted to bring that up because I thought that was a good, a clever turn of phrase there. Difficult either to find the time to work out or to keep yourself healthy, or just becomes harder to do that, and in the last couple years that's become much harder for me. And so then you have to decide. If I can't achieve the same level of physicality that I did 10 or 20 years ago, am I going to simply quit, or do I just do what I can do? And so coming to grips with just doing what I can do has really been healthy for me and, I think, probably changing my values in that. So I just want to be able to bend over and tie my shoes without grunting and be as mobile as possible, for as long as possible.

Speaker 1: 24:55

What is it? I've noticed, every time I sit down or stand up, I have to make a noise oh yeah, exactly right.

Speaker 2: 25:05

What is that? It announces it? I'm standing, I'm getting ready to stand up here, everybody watch out yeah and the next chapter that I I really enjoyed this.

Speaker 1: 25:16

This and another one kind of went hand in hand uh see it, say it, yes, and the let's see what was it? The other? Uh, see it say it, and then uh, oh, uh, under communicating yeah being the under communicator.

Speaker 1: 25:33

Uh, see it, say it. I. I like this chapter only because not only because, but because a lot of times, well, you pointed out why this is a good reason to. If you see it, say it. Now, here's the really cool cool thing If we have been transformed at some level by someone recognizing the good in us, then, by proxy, we have that same power to help transform others.

Speaker 1: 25:57

Yeah, how often do we think about how good someone is at something and that's as far as we go? Or maybe we tell those we're with, but not the actual person or human. How does that help them? The reality is, when we recognize the good in someone and tell them, the result is they go on to do more good. We help grow the good. So, yeah, why don't we say things to people when something you know, I see it all the time and it's like, uh, we have, we, we're very, uh cautious about doling out niceties, congratulations or what it's like we, we have a budget and we can't, you know it's unlimited I really struggled trying to figure out why that is.

Speaker 2: 26:47

I you know, if I look at myself, I can say, oh well, uh, most often if I don't say something to someone else, it it falls into two categories. One it'll be awkward If I step up to someone I know or barely know and I tell them what I appreciate about them or what skill I really think is fantastic in them. There's a really great chance that's going to be awkward, and I've done that. If you go to a restaurant and you're talking to somebody on staff there or something like that, and I've thought to myself golly, this person is above and beyond the normal waiter or this person, even the way they present themselves or what they wear and all that kind of stuff. And so I try to be brave enough to say that. And when you break that barrier between the customer and the worker or something like that, it's jostling for a lot of people because they're in a world I'm here to serve and I'm in this world right now. But when you break that down and become human with people, again it takes a minute, and so there's that part of it that's awkward takes a minute, and so there's that part of it that's awkward.

Speaker 2: 28:00

The other part of it, I think sometimes and we see this a lot in our world is people just assume you know. So if you are a great interviewer, if you are a great singer, if you're a great writer, whatever it is, people just assume oh, you must already know that. I don't need to draw more attention to the fact. And the reality is most of us are really insecure or we just appreciate the fact that somebody else enjoyed something that we did. So I think those two things are really hard. And then we I think the third thing probably is we just get distracted. We are so busy working through things that the idea of stopping and acknowledging but it's such a powerful thing and the, uh, immediate connection we have with another person by quote, seeing them and then and acknowledging the goodness in them, is amazing. And then you know, as you're referencing in the, you know the whole thing about when you say to someone you're so good, you're such a great friend, you're such a, you're so hospitable, you're so courageous. All that does is multiply the good because they go on to do more good. Now they think to themselves that's, I can do more of this.

Speaker 2: 29:13

So when I was about 17 or so. I would literally just talking about this. Last night, when I was about 17 or so, I met Anjanette, who would become my wife, and I met her family and if you know her dad, jason at all, that's who he is. He is the king of see it and say it. He's the king of seeing good in people and telling them.

Speaker 2: 29:35

So when my soul was pretty starved at that moment and I had this echo chamber going on in my head about what a loser I was, to have somebody, in my case, especially a male, step in and say you know what I'm looking at you and you are so x, y and z, or you're so you said you know that my soul ate that up. You know I and it. It literally changed the way I saw myself and and changed the course of my life, changed who I I would have been and, um. So the power of that little thing of seeing someone and acknowledging the goodness in them, even if it's how they do their hair or how they do their nails or how you know how courte as they are, whatever it is, there's always something. Uh, it is transformative when it happens and it's a, it's an amazing power that all of us have, and it just takes so little to actually use it it's like we're all, uh, starved for that kind of a thing.

Speaker 2: 30:36

We're like super dry sponges and just one little, you know one little drop, and it just soaks it all up yeah, I think in that in those two chapters you know, speaking which, that what's I think ironic about that is probably the. You know, the person that I'm closest to and maybe the most comfortable with is my wife, and and she's also probably the person I have to be the most intentional about recognizing out loud the good I've seen her. Probably because, you know, because I'm so comfortable with it, I don't think to say it. I see it all the time in my mind and she looks beautiful today. Or I can't believe how wonderful she is at taking care of me or making sure my feelings are met, whatever, whatever.

Speaker 2: 31:25

I think those things all the time and I so rarely say them out loud to her, which does her absolutely no good. I'm feeling that, I'm acknowledging that, I think that and I don't say it to her and it's troubling. So I've, I've I've tried to be better at that, but I've learned from both her and from her dad that whole principle of see it and say it, and it's so important there was a, an example, um, that I had uh happened to me, uh, there was at work, there was uh.

Speaker 1: 31:59

I won't go into all the details.

Speaker 1: 32:00

Make it long story short here, but or short story long uh, there was this guy there and he just basically said you know, you really do a good job of what you're doing. And I was like, oh yeah, that's cool, you know. I just kind of played it off. He goes no, I mean I've been to other places, um, and the the guys in those the same departments don't do what you're doing and I travel around all of them. And I'm just telling you that it it looked really good. I was like after I was a wow man, that's yeah, I had no idea that anybody even noticed.

Speaker 2: 32:40

I mean, I knew what I was doing.

Speaker 1: 32:41

I was trying to, you know, keep things nice and sharp and you know whatever, but for someone to actually notice. And then, and so it lit a fire. That was that. I just went off, you know, and to the point where our regional marketing manager one of the guys uh, in corporate uh, came by and he said he said that we were doing better than any other store that he had seen. Oh yeah, he took a picture of it and yeah, and sent it around to others.

Speaker 1: 33:19

It was all because that one guy said something, you know, months ago or however long, just that little phrase, and it went on to, to the ripple effect, the butterfly effect. You know it just right. I don't think we realize how impactful something so small like that back to your chapter big how something small like that can have huge, uh, I mean the. The company benefits from it. Uh, the people, the customers benefit from it, everybody benefits from it, you know.

Speaker 2: 33:51

And just because of somebody saying something so small well, and I think you nailed this other part of it too, which is there's the initial interaction.

Speaker 2: 34:01

You know someone saying something, but then there is the later reaction of you thinking about that and what that means. And in my case, because I am more or less a pretty awkward communicator, especially face to face with a lot of people, face-to-face with a lot of people so I, I, you know, I might acknowledge or see something in someone and say it and they it doesn't necessarily register in that moment or maybe they don't respond in a way that I I kind of wish they would says oh yeah, I hear what you're saying, but later they will think about it, later they will. That they'll take that with them and it will impact them later. So you might compliment someone and they don't necessarily respond in that immediate moment, but it registers and it is, it's rewiring stuff in their brain, uh, and how they see themselves, you know, later I actually wrote in the book here under, uh, the, the under communicating what was that the uh?

Speaker 1: 34:59

confessions of an under communicator. Confessions of an under communicator. I wrote at the end of the chapter why is it that we always wait for eulogies and the funerals to say something nice about somebody when that, at that point, does that person know? Good, you know, we're all really good at that. You know we'll get up and we'll cry, we'll laugh, we'll tell funny stories and tell how great they were and stuff. So why don't we? Why don't we do that when they're alive? You know, why do we save it up at the time when it won't do any?

Speaker 2: 35:29

won't do the guy or gal any good yeah, if you know, if you sat down right now, you could probably make a list of five people that you really love and respect in that same kind of way that if they passed away tomorrow you'd really be heartbroken and think what is it? I wish I could have told them. And if you make that list now, you could say those things now, say those things in a moment when they could hear it. You could actually say, okay, these are five people that I need to reach out to and just, it's going to be awkward and it's going to be a weird moment embarrassing just let them know.

Speaker 2: 36:05

Uh, you know, I just appreciate the way you've always stood by me. You've always stayed with me. I appreciate the fact that, even when we don't see each other for six months, I can call you and it's like we've never been apart. Whatever that thing is, but it will mean something.

Speaker 1: 36:24

I told my son he's in video production too. I told him I said when I die well before I die I want to do my own uh, obituary. Yeah, so, and and so you know, whenever one of the comes in and sits down there, I am up on the screen and say hey, everybody, come on in and sit down. You know we're going to get started here in about five minutes, yeah, and then uh, and then I'm going to say hey, you know, hey, everybody, you know. So here I'll let me just tell you, you know, instead of someone having to research this, who knows it better than me? You know, I know where I was born and who my parents were, and so I can go through all that and I just think that would be so fun. I'm not looking forward to doing that anytime soon, but at some point I think that would be fun for the audience to. You know just where is he really dead? Is he in the back? You?

Speaker 1: 37:15

know, yeah, but just kind of take it to a whole another level of, uh, you know, just lighten up and you know it's okay.

Speaker 2: 37:28

It's okay, you know and I think that'd be a lot of fun actually, so, and you'd finally get to say the things about other people you wanted to say yeah, you mentioned also the uh, the, the problem with pants, which is a great chapter, super hilarious.

Speaker 1: 37:45

But you, you bring in up in that the songs for your funeral. Yes, and I think about that a lot. And then when you wrote, when I read that, I was like dang, I mean I've already got a playlist that I know I want played. And if I hear a song I'll send it to my son and say, here, make sure this one gets in, you know, or whatever, but I was surprised to hear that someone else does the same thing.

Speaker 2: 38:08

Yes, yeah, and those are awkward conversations. You know, my daughter and I love to have those kind of conversations and it bothers my wife a little bit. She just doesn't like to think about stuff like that, but we find it funny.

Speaker 1: 38:22

That's great Things we do for love, and I'll wind up with this one, the Shasta. Starflight. So what was that all about?

Speaker 2: 38:35

It's a 1973. Oh, as the chapter says, this is an act of love, so it's uh, it's a 1973. Uh, shasta trailer. It's. Um, we, you know, of course we, everybody uh responded to covid in different ways and, um, you know, there's an awful lot of that. Now that's like I kind of missed in terms of the pacing and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2: 38:57

But uh, so we responded by um, going camping and doing stuff, and we went to turkey, mountain and tulsa and hiking and we would go to and went to dripping springs and all that kind of stuff. And then we ended up going out to osage hills to go tent camping and and we had a great time, though it snowed and rained on us the entire time we were there. It was really funny and and I think over the three days you know, combined internet and I got about four hours of sleep and Evangeline slept great because she can sleep on a rock and it wouldn't be a problem. So when that was all over, when internet said I really enjoyed the camping, but I'm done with tents, I don't want to do that anymore, and they just didn't like the idea of getting up at two in the morning and going to the bathroom with raccoons you know.

Speaker 2: 39:46

So she did, she raised, she did some research. I did a lot of research and found out that the starflight is the smallest model of trailer they made, that actually had an indoor bathroom 17 feet long. And uh, and I didn't want any part of that project because, uh, you know, we were already kind of working on remodeling a home we had just moved into and I just didn't want or need another project. But so she stayed on it for like another year and, uh, she's a singer, songwriter, people might know. And so she saved up all of her gig money for a year and then presented me with this letter and presentation saying this is what I'd like to do and this is the model that we want, and here's the money for it.

Speaker 2: 40:33

And if you say no, you don't want to do it, I'll respect that, but this is really what I want to do, and it's very difficult to say no to somebody like that. So then she did some research and she found one in the very south end of Oklahoma and we went down and got it and it had been stationary I think it had been a camp trailer for somebody for a while, so they had redone the plumbing to go into like a septic tank somewhere. But they had treated it like a camping trailer so it had multiple leaks. It had a fire in it at some point.

Speaker 2: 41:05

It was pretty it had the 70s wood paneling and it was pretty dank in there, and so we brought it back to Bartlesville, back to our house, and took it back down to the studs, which I use that word very lightly there it's toothpicks and foil. It's like sausage. You don't want to know how those things are made. And um, and we rebuilt it. Did you know? New installation, new electric, new everything. And um, and now we can. Now we continue to take it out.

Speaker 1: 41:35

So we, we take it out, you still have it.

Speaker 2: 41:38

I'm sorry you still have it. We still have it. It's in our driveway now. It's red and white. It gets compliments wherever we go.

Speaker 2: 41:46

It has a great little heat and air unit and it's just big enough for like the three of us. So the table drops down and cushions come out and that makes a bed for Evangeline and then there's like a twin or full bed in the back and it's a lot of fun. It I don't like it because you got to drag it places and then you've got to deal with the wastewater and all that kind of stuff. But but it's. You know there's.

Speaker 2: 42:10

Those are the things we joke about. You know that's that. That's not anything I had an interest in doing or being part of. But but when someone you love wants something that badly, there are places where you have to yield and bend, and that was one of them. So it became an ongoing joke between us that you know and I and I will still. There's, there's a. Our neighbor has a tree that is not long for this world, as they say, and I keep joking that I'm praying for that tree to fall onto the trail so we can just be done with it because every time we take the trailer out, there's something else that has to be repaired, or yeah.

Speaker 2: 42:47

So it's the when, when we go out. It's a tremendous amount of work for me on the front and back side of it, but I will say that what is unique about that experience is, once you get out to wherever you're camping, that's what you're doing. You're camping and you're not mowing the lawn, you're not painting the house, you're not doing chores, and so there is an arrested amount of time in there where you're camping that you get to kind of do that thing which is even different than going to a city for vacation or whatever because you're out in nature kind of do that thing, which is even different than going to a city for vacation or whatever because you're out in nature.

Speaker 2: 43:22

So Evangeline and I go fishing and her record has been perfect so far. She's caught fish on every trip we've been on. My record is perfect because I've caught no fish on every trip we've gone on and we cook and we hang out and get to do stuff that we wouldn't normally get to do.

Speaker 1: 43:45

So, even though I don't love the trailer, I do like being with family that works out pretty well. Yeah, in the chapter it says I thought this was hilarious. Uh, what the shasta also had, which we didn't know at the time, was a sizable hole in the holding tank. The holding tank holds, or is supposed to hold, just what you think it does. So with a hole in the shitter and triple digit temperatures, the trailer smelled like a hot august rodeo going into day three. Yeah, man, that's right yeah, and that's always.

Speaker 2: 44:13

That's always the contest in every trip is how's the, how's the toilet gonna hold up? How is it gonna? Are we using the toilet? Are we not using the toilet? Yeah, oh.

Speaker 1: 44:23

So what's the next book, man?

Speaker 2: 44:25

uh, you got anything coming up uh, I have been toying with some different things. I don't have anything, uh, concrete yet, um, uh, and I I miss writing on a regular thing. I still get get to do the column, which is nice, and I'm just deciding. So I was joking with my brother-in-law this week. It feels like in the creative process that the further you get away from something, the more likely you are to discount it. So, like my wife, ancient just released an album and it took us the better part of six months or so, or longer, than actually to put the whole thing together. And somewhere in the middle of that came christmas.

Speaker 2: 45:08

So we had several weeks away from the project and in the midst of being away from the project it was very easy to say is it? Is it anything? Should we do we finish this? Do we not finish it? When you're in it and you're rewarded with the creativity and inspiration and the work of it and seeing some that fruit of it, you stay with it. But when you get away from it, so I'm kind of that way on this project right now I I wrote something. Uh, I I got about a year away from it. I realized it was the wrong tact or the wrong way to manage it and I thought here's the way it should be done. But it's a really intimidating project for me and I need to get back physically into it and then decide is this something or is it not? But I don't want to decide this far away from it, you know, to kill it, because it's too easy to do that when you're away from it did you self-publish this book?

Speaker 2: 46:04

uh, yes, yeah which I think is awesome yeah, well, especially with this book, you know it's when it's a um, I don't know an opinion book or column book or something like that the only, in most cases, the only reason someone would buy that book is because they know me or someone suggested it to them. So from a publisher standpoint there's no value in that book for them. It's not a genre book. If it was a Western or a mystery or a romance, you could, you could maybe work that angle. But just a strictly memoir opinion book it doesn't make sense. But it's been nice and I have gone to a couple of little book shows and stuff here and there and meeting people in that process and just the involvement of that has really been enjoyable.

Speaker 1: 46:54

Yeah, I bet, so I've got a title for your next book.

Speaker 2: 46:57

What's that?

Speaker 1: 46:59

You don't have to read this either.

Speaker 2: 47:03

Hey, you know, what's funny is so we were doing a little podcast that I didn't think we would ever do. My daughter was on a band trip. They had to go to Silver Dollar City. We were chaperones, and so my wife and I are in our own car following the yellow bus all the way to branson, which is like three and a half hours, and we get in to the, we're there in the car, it's just the two of us, and so we start talking about whatever it was, and then the conversation kind of bobs and weaves and goes to places and ends up in this kind of a spiritual conversation. And for most of our lives we've been allergic to most things publicly spiritual because, you know, in our area of the country that's a whole thing and it's the culture of Christianity that's been difficult for a lot of people. So we just don't really go there and we're trying to be a bridge for a lot of people instead and but angie net said about 30 or 45 minutes in this conversation.

Speaker 2: 48:08

Um, I know this is a difficult conversation for a lot of people that we're having.

Speaker 2: 48:13

I know it would be scary for some people to have this conversation, but it's so honest that I think it might really help people and that would be scary for some people to have this conversation, but it's so honest that I think it might really help people and that would be an interesting podcast. And so I we sat on that for a long time and I just thought I just don't know if I want to be involved in a podcast that's spiritual. I don't know if I want to do any of that stuff, and I and uh. So then we decided we would do it, but we would just do it from a standpoint of this is unfiltered, it is unvarnished, it is honest. It's a conversation that I think a lot of people could be involved in, and and the reality of it is, if you don't like it, you don't have to listen to it. So that is the name of the podcast that will come out and I think it's in September is you really don't have to listen to it, so that?

Speaker 2: 48:59

is the name of the podcast that will come out in I think it's in september is you really don't have to listen to this and it's just a kind of an unfiltered conversation about you know, for us growing up in the bible belt and and we like to refer to it as the bedazzled belt buckle of the bible belt and could we have some?

Speaker 2: 49:14

we're not trying to convince anybody of anything or proselytize anybody on anything or whatever. We just want to have an open conversation that I think a lot of people are thinking about, but they don't know that other people are having that same conversation. So, uh, we'll see where that goes, but yeah.

Speaker 1: 49:30

But you're right, the other book title either, is great yeah, uh, last question what do you hope readers will do after reading this book?

Speaker 2: 49:41

Oh, I really, you know, if, uh, if there was more uh, person to person contact, especially with people that, uh, you know are not part of your normal group, If you, if we stop looking at people as one dimensional cardboard cutouts, caricatures of, you know, Republicans or Democrats or whatever grouping, and we engaged each other more, man, that would be, that would be the highest goal for me, Just the idea that we would engage people more, that we would be more civil and loving and and learn how much we really enjoy that when we do it, if we can just get over the things that get in the way of that. So, yeah, more personal connection with people would be the goal.

Speaker 1: 50:30

Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I totally agree, and not take yourself too seriously.

Speaker 2: 50:35

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 50:38

Well, the book is. You really don't have to read this and, uh, highly highly recommend it. Need to go out and get you one. So to get this book, I guess you go you can go to really anywhere.

Speaker 2: 50:50

Yeah, you can go to amazon, you can go to. Bookbabycom is a great resource for that stuff. But, yeah, anywhere that you find books online, you can find it there, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 51:01

If anybody wanted to get in touch with you, have questions or comments after this, where would they send?

Speaker 2: 51:07

them. They can go to jwpioneerdreamcom. There is a website called Speaking of Jay Webster and that has some content. I think it's speakingofjaywebstercom, so speaking of Jay Webster, and that has some content, I think speakingofjaywebstercom and that has some contact information too. But yeah, just jwpioneerdreamcom.

Speaker 1: 51:29

That's the easiest way to email me and we can start a long lasting friendship from there. So any last words, I just so appreciate it.

Speaker 2: 51:37

You know, you and I have known each other for a long time. I think these conversations are so healthy, but I really, really enjoy them and the fact that you included me in this means a lot to me and I've been looking forward to it since we got it set up. But yeah, I love this and you and I most of what we do is in the background and stuff, and you make a thousand different decisions about those things in the background and then so to have a chance to talk about that stuff in a conversation like this, it's really life-giving, so I love it. Yeah, I'm very grateful to have that opportunity great.

Speaker 1: 52:09

Yeah, I thoroughly enjoyed it. You're a good writer, you're a funny writer.

Speaker 2: 52:13

So there, there see it. So that's really kind of you. Thank you all right, kind of you, thank you.

Speaker 1: 52:19

All right. Well, for Jay Webster, this is Scott Townsend. Thanks for watching, listening to the Scott Townsend Show. Have a great day, everything's going to be all right and we'll talk to you later.

Speaker 3: 52:30

The Scott Townsend Show is a Deto man production. For more episodes, visit the Scott Townsend Show YouTube channel. Listen on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.